Standing in the Shadows
by Brianna Aisling
Summary: The person you love isn't always good for you, and sometimes, you have to let them go.


I'm an avid Ranma and Akane fan, but this story was just floating around, bumping into things, and generally making a pain of itself.  It will probably be the only fic I ever right where they aren't together in the end (barring death).

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Shadows

~~~~~~~

            "Go home, Ranma."

            "I can't.  Not without you."

            "Well, I'm not going home and you can't follow me forever."

            "I could just pick you up and carry you back."

            Akane stopped and turned to look at Ranma.  She lifted an eyebrow.

            "I'm not going."  She turned back around and finished bagging.  "Here you go, Mrs. Tokimasa."

            "Well, thank you, Akane."

            "See you next week, Mrs. Tokimasa."

            "Of course."

            Ranma watched the older woman walk away.  Akane continued to ignore him and began bagging the next customer's groceries.

            "Come on, Akane.  What are you going to do?  Bag groceries forever?"

            Akane turned to him again, her face tight.  She stared at him for a moment, her jaw twitching.  He could see her fighting the urge to smash him flat.  He tried to ignore the way his heart sank slightly when she turned away again.

            "Mishi, I'll be back in a second.  Ranma, come with me."

            Ranma followed her to the back of the store and into a break room.  Akane knelt before a locker and twisted a combination into a padlock to open it.  She stood again with keys.

            "Here." 

            She turned away again to write on a piece of paper.

            "This is my address.  Go here and wait for me to get off work.  We can talk then if you keep your mouth under control.  Oh, here."  She pulled out some cash out.  "You'll need to buy food.  I'm out."

            Ranma took the keys and the paper but ignored the cash.

            "I have money."

            Akane stood holding out the cash for a moment, and then shrugged and turned away.  She walked past Ranma and headed back to work, tucking the cash into her pocket.  Ranma stood in the break room for a few minutes before following her.

~~~

            Her apartment was small, a one bedroom.  It was sparsely decorated.  There was no table, only a papa-san chair, enough dishes, a radio, and a bed.  Plants hung everywhere.  When Ranma opened the door to her bedroom a small puppy ran out and bounced around Ranma's feet, yipping.

            "Hey, there," Ranma said, kneeling down to scratch him behind the ears.  "And what is your name?"

            The tags on his collar jangled as Ranma twisted them around to look at the name.

            "Mousse?  She named you Mousse?"

            The puppy yipped and bounced over to the door, scratching at it.  Ranma poked around a bit and found a leash dangling over a hook near the front door.

            It was in the small park across from Akane's apartment that Akane found them.  She stood on the sidewalk and watched them play in the grass.

            "I don't think he's had this much fun in a long time," Akane said.

            Ranma spun, plopping into the grass.  Mousse bounced into his lap, licking him across the chin before running over to Akane.  She bent and swung him up into her arms.  Immediately the little puppy calmed.  He lay his head against her shoulder and closed his eyes as Akane petted him.

            "Did he go?"

            "What?"

            "To the bathroom.  Did he go?"

            "Oh, yeah.  He went."

            "Good.  Then let's go."

            Akane turned and headed back to the house.  Ranma stood and followed her, brushing grass from his pants.

            In the apartment, Akane set Mousse down and the little puppy stayed by her feet, following her everywhere.  Ranma realized that he felt a kinship with the little creature.  It seemed that no matter where Akane went, Ranma was bound to follow.  He chose not to think about what that might mean.

            "Say Akane, why'd you name him Mousse?" 

            Akane came from the kitchen, sitting down across from him on the floor.  She set down a tray of tea.  The puppy crawled into her lap.  

            "I ran into Mousse when I was leaving Nerima.  He was coming back from China.  I'm not quite sure how, but he ended up coming with me.  He left last month, giving me this little guy."

            "Where'd he go?"

            "China again.  Said he had some things to think about."

            "Did you two live here together?"

            Akane looked up at him, her eyes guarded.

            "Yes."

            "Isn't it kinda small for two people?"  He was trying desperately to not lose his temper.  He couldn't keep the sour look from his face when Akane smiled tenderly at some memory.

            "No.  It was cozy."

            "So you two got together."

            Akane made a small sound in the back of her throat.

            "In a way," she murmured.  Her eyes had glazed over and she sat staring at the tea tray.

            _"So, do you still love him?"_

_            "Mousse..."_

_            "Come on, Akane.  You know that if you do it won't change anything between us."_

_            He stood and moved to sit beside Akane, wrapping his arms around her.  She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him softly._

_            "Do you still love her?"_

_            "Akane..."_

_            "See.  You won't answer, so I won't."_

_            Mousse smiled and kissed her again.  It was longer this time, more intimate.  They broke apart and Akane smiled up at him.  Her face was flushed slightly and her eyes shone.  His face softened and he kissed her again, his arms tightening around her.  She may have and probably still loved Ranma, but she was with Mousse now and he had no doubt that she loved him.  He picked her up and carried her to their bedroom._

            "Yo, Akane.  Akane?"

            She started and looked up at Ranma, a blush forming across her cheeks and nose.

            "Sorry, Ranma.  I just miss him sometimes, you know?"

            "Look, Akane," Ranma began.  He really didn't want to talk about her and Mousse.  He was furious that she...that she had...and while he had spent two years looking for her.  Ranma shook his head and took a deep breath.

            "Look, Akane.  Your family's been tryin' to find you for the past two years.  You gotta talk to them sooner or later."

            "I left for a reason, Ranma.  I'll talk when I'm ready, all right?"

            "Can you at least tell me why you left?"

            Akane shrugged and sipped at her tea.

            "I wasn't happy.  I wasn't happy with anything.  You won't understand."  She stood, gently lifting Mousse from her lap.  Ranma watched her go into the kitchen.

            "How do you know I won't understand?"  Ranma followed her into the kitchen.  Akane shook her head.

            "You won't, Ranma.  You've never been where I was.  Out of all of you, only Mousse could have understood.  He was the only one who had ever been where I was."

            "And where were you?"

            Akane shrugged.

            "In the shadows."

            She laughed at Ranma's blank look.

            "See?  You don't understand.  You were always on top.  You were the center of everyone's world, Ranma.  I worked so hard to be what I was and you came along and effortlessly pushed me behind you.  I was stuck in your shadow for so long.  I hated it more than anything.  Why do you think I was so angry all the time?  It didn't help that you would never take me seriously.  It was like you wanted to keep me in your shadow.  I didn't want to be stuck there forever, Ranma."

            Ranma stood silently as he watched her run water and wash the few dishes left in the sink from what Ranma supposed was yesterday.

            "I don't..." Ranma sighed.  "I don't know what to say."

            "There's not much you can say, Ranma.  There's nothing I want you to say.  Just go home and tell everyone that I'm not as happy as I want to be but I'm getting there.  When I do get there I'll write.  Or call."

            "That's not fair to them, Akane."

            "Oh, shut up, Ranma.  It's not fair to me.  I've never been anything but the prize.  Here I'm Akane.  I live in an apartment.  I teach at a friend's dojo.  I'm working to buy my own.  I'm not Ranma's fiancee or the girl who hates guys and is probably a lesbian or even the violent tomboy.  I'm Akane."

            Ranma looked away from her.  What could he say to her?  'It won't be that way when you come back?'  It probably would be.  Nothing had changed much in the two years since she'd been gone.  Ukyo and Shampoo were still after him.  Ryoga still blamed him for everything.

            Ryoga...  Ranma's thoughts fell to a memory from half a year ago.

            _Ranma walked along the fence, his hands in his pockets, his mind on where he'd go searching next.  Nabiki had said something about a small town that was a possibility.  Then fence shook under him unexpectedly, causing him to stumble and fall into the canal._

_            "What'd you do that for, Akane?" Ranma spluttered coming up red-haired and female.  He froze, and then shot up from the canal, his eyes wide.  Akane was nowhere to be found.  Ryoga however was standing there, his face sad._

_            "Akane is gone, Ranma."_

_            "Yeah, I know," Ranma said darkly as he pulled her shirt off and began to wring it out.  "Reflex," he mumbled._

_            "Akane is gone."  Ryoga turned his face to the sky and mumbled something that Ranma couldn't quite catch._

_            "Whatever.  Listen, Ryoga.  I ain't givin' up on Akane," Ranma said, but Ryoga was already gone._

            What was it Ryoga had said?

            "Akane, did Ryoga know?"

            "Huh?  Know what?"

            "About you and Mousse?"

            Akane smiled faintly.

            "Yeah, he knew.  He didn't take it very well."  She shrugged.  "He was upset when I got mad at him.  Mousse told me about him bein' P-Chan.  He immediately blamed you."  Akane shook her head.  "It didn't make much difference.  I never saw Ryoga as anyone but a friend."

            So that was what he had said.

            "And what about me?"

            "What about you?" Akane asked as she turned to look at him, one eyebrow raised.  Ranma flushed angrily.

            "Are you tellin' me that everything we went through meant nothin'?"

            "No.  It meant something, but if I were to be with you, to stay with you...I would mean nothing."

            "That's not true!" Ranma said, bristling.  Akane looked away.

            _"So you're running away?"_

_            "Um, not exactly.  More like finding myself."_

_            Mousse pushed his glasses up and looked intently at Akane._

_            "I see."_

_            She looked up at him._

_            "Do you?" she asked._

_            He nodded._

_            "Someone's shadow is a hard thing to escape."_

_            Akane smiled at him.  Something warm fluttered to life in her chest and she blushed, looking down at her feet.  When she looked up again, Mousse was also blushing and looking away._

_            "Um, Mousse?"_

_            "Yes, Akane Tendo?"_

_            "Would you...would you like to escape his shadow with me?"_

            "It is true, Ranma.  Maybe I'd mean something to you, if you'd ever admit it, but it's not you that I have to mean something to.  I have to mean something to myself."

            Ranma said nothing.  He looked down at his feet.  This wasn't the way it was supposed to go.  He'd tell her everyone missed her.  He missed her.  She would refuse and he'd argue with her, but in the end they'd go home together.

            "Come on, Akane.  Please."  He looked at her, pleading.

            "I'm not going."

            He hesitated and then said, "Can I ask you something?"

            "Yes."

            "Do you love him?"

            "Who?  Mousse?"

            "Yeah."

            "I...do."

            "Do you...did you love me?"

            "I...I still do, Ranma."

            "Then why won't you come back?"  He was practically begging now, and he hated the desperation in his voice.

            "I don't know if I'd be happy with you, Ranma.  I'd always feel second best.  I'd never feel important."

            "But you are important, Akane.  You-you mean everything to me."

            _"Do you have to go, Mousse?"_

_            "Yes.  I'll be back though.  Soon."_

_            Mousse reached out and tucked Akane against himself.  She pressed her lips to his neck._

_            "I love you, Mousse."_

_            "More than him?"_

_            "Mousse!"_

_            Akane pushed back and glared angrily into his face.  She opened her mouth to speak, but Mousse brought his hand up to cover her mouth._

_            "You know, Akane, I think I love you more than I ever loved Shampoo."_

_            "You-you mean that?"_

_            "Yes."_

_            Heat flooded Akane and she pushed herself excitedly onto her toes.  She kissed Mousse pressing herself hard against him.  His hands clung to her, caressing the small of her back._

_            "So do you?"_

_            "I don't know.  I certainly care for you more, admire you more, respect you more, want more for you, I love you certainly as much, but I just don't know if I love you more.  I'm sorry, Mousse."_

_            He smiled softly at her, pushing a strand of  hair behind her ear._

_            "That's all I want.  I don't have to be first, but I certainly don't want to be second."_

_            "Never, Mousse, never."_

            "Ranma..."

            "Please, Akane."  He took her hand and pulled her to him.  "Please.  Come home with me."

            "Ranma...I can't.  Even if I wanted to I promised Mousse I'd wait till he came back."

            She pulled away.

            "Dammit, Akane!  You were mine first!"

            "No.  I was _mine first."_

            "Akane..."

            He was on his knees, begging.  It never crossed his mind that it was undignified.  All he knew was that he needed her to come back.  He needed her to keep the nightmares away.  She wouldn't even look at him.

            "Please, Akane.  Please."

            "Akane?  Are you here?"

            The new voice froze Ranma.  He looked up sharply to see Akane's eyes widen.  She tugged herself free of Ranma's grip and disappeared from the kitchen.  He heard her give a joyous cry and then there was silence.  He stood and walked unsteadily to the living room.

            Mousse was there, Akane wrapped in his arms, her lips on his.  A burning rage woke in Ranma.  He hated Mousse.  He hated Akane.  But his hate didn't change anything.  Even now, when he was in her apartment, telling her how much she meant to him, how much he wanted her, _needed her, she still ran to Mousse when he called._

            They broke apart, but stood looking at each other.  Mousse reached out and touched her cheek.  She smiled up at him, warmly, her eyes glowing.  Ranma winced.  He loved that smile.  He shifted uncomfortably.  Mousse looked up.  He stiffened and stepped away from Akane, folding his hands into his sleeves.

            "Saotome."

            "Mousse."

            "I didn't know you were here."

            "Yeah, well...."  He couldn't meet Mousse's eyes steadily.  Akane shifted and licked her lips.

            "Ranma was just leaving, Mousse."

            Ranma flinched.  Mousse noticed.  He looked down at Akane.  She looked up at him.  His eyes asked the same question it had before he'd left.  Akane looked down at the floor and then at Ranma.  Finally she looked back at Mousse and nodded.  Mousse returned the gesture.  She loved Ranma still, but Mousse was first.

            "It was good to see you, Saotome," Mousse said.

            "Sure," Ranma replied.  He turned to face Akane.  "You sure--"

            "I'm sure," she cut him off.  He nodded.

            "Call them at least.  They got news of their own that they wanna share."

            Akane nodded.  Ranma shouldered his backpack and left.  He didn't say good-bye.  He wasn't sure he could ever say good-bye.  Not to her.

            And for the first time in his life, Ranma Saotome knew what it was to stand in someone else's shadow.


End file.
